14 things couples regret most about their wedding

A few weeks after the wedding there's a moment when you look back at the photos with a bit of distance. When newlyweds talk about what they would do differently, the same things come up every time. Not "we should have gone with peonies". More like "the evening flew by", or "I don't have a single photo with my nan".

These fourteen regrets have one thing in common: they're all decided long before the big day. If you're in the middle of planning, now is exactly the right time to read them.

1. Not booking a videographer

It's the regret you hear most, and it arrives late: when you realise you'll never hear the vows, the best man's speech or your dad's laugh again. Photos keep faces; video keeps voices. If the budget is tight, a short package covering the ceremony and the speeches already makes all the difference.

2. Inviting people out of duty

Your dad's colleagues, distant cousins you haven't seen for a decade, the couple who "invited us to theirs". On the day, you spend your time greeting people you barely know, and every one of them is a plate at the wedding breakfast. Instead, set a simple rule early and apply it to everyone, on both sides.

3. Never having a moment alone

Ceremony, photos, drinks reception, wedding breakfast, speeches, evening do, and at 1 am you realise you haven't spoken to each other all day. Plan ten minutes alone straight after the ceremony, in a quiet room or at the bottom of the garden. Your guests will wait happily with a glass of fizz. Many couples say it was their favourite moment of the day.

4. Not eating

You paid for a menu you tasted exactly once, at the tasting. On the day, you get up between every course to work the room, and your plate goes back full. Ask the caterer to serve the top table first, stay seated for the main course, and do the rounds between courses. And ask someone to save you two slices of cake.

5. Missing the family photos

Nan went home at 9 pm. The uncle who flew in from Australia only appears from behind. Nobody thought of it, because everybody assumed the photographer had it covered. Write the list of group shots in advance, with names, and give it to a friend who knows everyone and won't mind rounding people up.

6. A timeline with no slack

The drinks reception starts thirty minutes late, the couple portraits get cut short, the wedding breakfast slips, so do the speeches and the first dance, and the evening buffet lands when nobody is hungry. A timeline planned to the minute never survives reality. Leave fifteen minutes between each big moment, and decide in advance what gets dropped if you fall behind.

7. Not delegating on the day

The bride answering the florist while her hair is being done; the groom hunting for an extension lead at 7 pm. On the day, you shouldn't be managing anything. Appoint one person, a best man, an organised friend or a coordinator, who has every supplier's number and the full timeline. Give them your phone as well.

8. Lost guests

Where do we park, what time is the last taxi, is there a cloakroom? The same questions, asked a hundred times, by text, in the week before and on the day itself. A clear page with the timeline and the practical details answers for you. And a last-minute update stops a whole coach load waiting in the wrong car park.

9. Spending where nobody looks

Chair covers, printed orders of the day nobody reads, favours left on the tables at the end of the night. They feel essential in February. Nobody notices them in June. Before every purchase, ask one question: will a guest remember this? If the answer is no, put the money towards the food or the band.

10. Nobody heard the vows

An outdoor ceremony, a bit of breeze, no microphone. The front three rows cried; everyone else watched them cry. Sound is the saving that shows the most. Book a mic for the celebrant and for the two of you, even for fifty guests, and test it on site the day before.

11. Letting others decide

Your future mother-in-law's guest list, the menu chosen by the parents who are paying, the entrance song someone else insisted on. You give in to keep the peace, then get married at a party that doesn't feel like yours. Listen, say thank you for the help, but keep control of the three or four choices that really matter to you both.

12. One DIY project too many

Three hundred paper cranes, a hundred and twenty hand-labelled jars of jam, late nights in wedding week. DIY is lovely while it's fun. Once it becomes a chore, it drains the energy you'll need on the day. Pick a single project, start it six months out, and rope in some help.

13. No wet-weather plan

"It never rains here in June." It rained. Guests huddled under a gazebo built for twenty, and the ceremony was moved in a panic. A backup plan costs little when it's made early: an indoor room on hold, a marquee option, a box of umbrellas by the door. And you'll sleep better the week before.

14. Watching it all go by too fast

This is the regret that sums up all the others. Everyone says the day passes in a blur. To slow it down, build in pauses, stand at the back of the room for five minutes and simply watch, and ask your guests to leave you messages, written or recorded. You'll reread them in ten years and relive the whole night.