Budget
Wedding gift list, cash fund or nothing: how to choose, and how to ask politely
Your guests will ask what you would like. Better to know before they do: a gift list, an online gift fund or no gifts at all each has its advantages, its fees and its own way of being said on the invitation.
Key takeaways
€50 to €100per person: the order of magnitude often seen for an ordinary guest. There is no rule, only benchmarks.
- There are three options: a registry of objects, an online gift fund, or no gifts at all; choose according to what you already own and what you really want to finance.
- A registry suits couples who are setting up a home, a gift fund suits those who already live together or are saving for a project such as a trip or building work.
- On the invitation, a simple wording is enough: say what would please you, give the way to do it, and make clear that no gift is an obligation.
- Guests very often give between €50 and €100 per person or household if they are ordinary guests, more for close family, less for a student: these are benchmarks, not rules.
In this guide
As soon as the date is announced, the question arrives: what would you like as a gift? We often answer too quickly, with a “nothing, we have everything” nobody believes, or with a list of twenty items we do not really need. It is better to decide beforehand, and not under pressure during a call from your mother-in-law.
There are three ways to do it, and none is rude as long as it is clear. The point is to pick the one that suits you and to say it so your guests never have to guess.
The three options, honestly
The classic gift list
You choose items in a shop or on a website: tableware, linen, appliances, décor. Guests buy one or more items, sometimes together, and the shop keeps the list up to date to avoid duplicates.
- Strengths: no duplicates, gifts you will actually use, a tradition families understand straight away.
- Limits: you only choose from what the shop offers, some guests find registry prices high, and if you already have everything the list feels artificial.
- It suits you when: you are moving in together, you are starting with little, or your families care about a physical gift.
The online gift fund
You open a fund for a specific project: a honeymoon, a deposit on a home, building work, an experience you want to have. Each guest gives whatever amount they wish, by card, on a dedicated page.
- Strengths: total freedom for the guest, money that goes to what you really want, nothing to store or exchange.
- Limits: some platforms take fees, some guests feel awkward giving money, and a vague project makes a fund that reads like a rent payment.
- It suits you when: you already live together, you need no objects and you have a project you can describe.
No gifts at all
You ask only for your guests’ presence. It is the simplest option, and it suits small weddings and couples who would rather avoid the subject. It does not stop some guests from bringing something; plan a place to put it and a way to say thank you.
The comparison in one table
| Registry of objects | Gift fund | No gifts | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Best for | Couples setting up a home | Couples already settled with a project | Small weddings, couples with no needs |
| What it takes | Choosing ten to twenty items | A clear project and a link | One sentence on the invitation |
| Possible costs | Sometimes service or delivery fees | Platform or payment fees possible | None |
| Risk | A list that rings false | A project that is too vague | Guests who give anyway |
| Comfort for the guest | Very easy, no choice to make | Easy, but the amount is up to them | No pressure |
How to choose: five questions to ask yourselves
- What do we already own?If you have lived together for years, the plates are sorted. An artificial list of things you do not need will cost you embarrassment and storage space.
- What is our real project?A trip, a deposit, building work, a piece of furniture you have wanted for years. If you have a precise answer, a fund stands up; if not, it rings hollow.
- Who are our guests?Colleagues, childhood friends, grandparents: some like an object, others do not understand a fund. Think of them rather than of yourselves alone.
- What makes us comfortable?Talking about money with parents, colleagues or a distant uncle: if it bothers you, a registry is gentler. If you prefer frankness, a fund is more direct.
- Can we combine?Yes, and it is often the best solution: a short list of objects plus a fund for the rest. Guests choose according to budget and inclination.
How to say it politely on the invitation
The printed invitation has no room to explain, and it is not the place to talk about money. The rule that works: one sentence on the invitation or its insert card, and all the detail on the online page.
A few wordings that go down well
- For a gift fund: “Your presence is our greatest gift. If you would still like to treat us, a fund for our honeymoon is open on our page.”
- For a registry: “For those who ask what would make us happy, our wedding list can be found on our page.”
- For no gifts: “We already have everything we need. Having you by our side is all the happiness we want.”
- For a mix: “A small selection of items and a gift fund are available on our page, with no obligation whatsoever.”
What is best avoided: a suggested amount, a line such as “cash only” or “envelopes welcome”, and any wording that implies that giving nothing would be frowned upon. Say what would please you, yes. Say what you expect, no.
What guests really give
Couples often wonder how much their guests will give, and guests wonder how much to give. There is no scale, and anyone who quotes one is exaggerating. Here are benchmarks, which shift with region, type of reception and closeness to the couple.
| Type of guest | Common order of magnitude |
|---|---|
| Ordinary guest (colleague, distant friend) | Often €40 to €80 per person |
| Close friend or cousin | Often €80 to €150 per person or household |
| Close family (parents, siblings) | Often more, from a few hundred euros upwards depending on means |
| Student or guest who travelled far | Often less: their presence and journey already count |
These figures are not expectations: they help you avoid a shock when the first amount arrives. A couple who builds a budget on the assumption of gift funds puts itself in a fragile position: count whatever arrives as a bonus, not as a line of income.
Opening the fund without surprises
- Read the fees: some platforms keep a percentage, others charge for card payments, others are free and live on a tip offered to guests. Work out what you will actually receive, not what is displayed.
- Name the project: “our honeymoon in Sicily” says something. “Our life together” says much less.
- Check the withdrawal: delay, ceiling, destination account. Nothing is worse than finding a block a month after the wedding.
- Keep a list of who gave and how much: it is the basis of your thank-yous, and you will not rebuild it from memory.
- Mention the fund on the wedding page, not only on the invitation: the link is two clicks away there.
Saying thank you without it becoming a chore
Thank-you notes are the part we put off and end up rushing. That is a pity: it is also the part guests remember. A good thank-you is short, specific and prompt.
- The day itself or the day afterA message to all guests on the page or by text: thank you for coming, a few photos, a sincere word. It takes ten minutes and covers the first wave.
- In the following weeksOne card per household, handwritten, with a specific line: what the guest brought, an anecdote, what you will do with their gift. Five lines beat a generic page.
- For a gift fundSay what you did with the money: a photo from the trip, a dish from the region. Your guests helped pay for a memory, so show it to them.
- Within three monthsKeep that deadline in mind. After it, the card becomes an apology, and it is tempting to put it off again.
Founder of Weddtap · author of our guides
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Frequently asked questions
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