Wedding Guest Etiquette: 15 Things You Should Never Do

Being invited to a wedding is an honor and a small responsibility. The couple has spent months preparing the day, and a few guest habits, often unintentional, can complicate it. Here are the fifteen to avoid, grouped by moment.

Before the wedding

1. 1. Replying late, or not at allReplies decide the meal, the tables and the budget. Reply fast, whether yes or no.
2. 2. Showing up uninvitedChildren, a plus-one, a friend in town: if the invitation doesn't mention them, ask beforehand, never on the day.
3. 3. Forgetting to mention a diet or allergySay so when you reply. The caterer needs time to prepare.
4. 4. Ignoring the dress codeIt's there for a reason: venue, season, mood. If unsure, ask.

On the day of the ceremony

1. 5. Wearing whiteWhite, ivory and champagne belong to the bride. Pick another color.
2. 6. Arriving lateArrive at least fifteen minutes before the stated time. Lateness disrupts the ceremony and the photos.
3. 7. Filming or photographing in front of the photographerKeep your phone away if the couple asked. Otherwise, leave the photographer room.
4. 8. Talking during readings or vowsPhones on silent, conversations for later.

During the party

1. 9. Stealing the spotlightNo proposals, pregnancy announcements or impromptu speeches that pull attention from the couple.
2. 10. Drinking too muchYou can have fun without standing out. The couple will remember the atmosphere, not everyone's condition.
3. 11. Ignoring the seating planIt took hours to build. Stay at your seat for the meal, mingle afterwards.
4. 12. Posting before the couple doesWait for their go-ahead to post photos, especially of the bride in her dress or intimate moments.
5. 13. Complaining out loudThe menu, the music, the temperature: keep it for later, or for nobody.

After the wedding

1. 14. Forgetting the gift or contributionA gift, a fund contribution or a gesture is expected. The amount depends on your budget and your bond with the couple.
2. 15. Not saying thank youA message or a call within the week, and sending your photos, goes a long way.

Special situations

If your children are invited

Bring something to keep them busy during the ceremony and the long dinner, plan a quiet exit if they get tired, and keep an eye on them on the dance floor and near the buffet. A child having a meltdown during the vows is nobody's fault, but stepping outside quickly is the guest's job.

If you can't attend

Reply as soon as you know, with a warm word rather than a long explanation. Sending a gift or a contribution is still a kind gesture, and a card on the day shows the couple you are thinking of them.

If you are invited to give a speech

Keep it to three to five minutes, check the order of speeches with the couple or the host, and leave out stories about exes, embarrassing nights and private jokes only three people will understand. Rehearse aloud at least twice, and read from a card.

If the wedding is far away

Book travel and accommodation early, read everything the couple sends, and don't expect them to sort out your transport. If you can't afford the trip, say so simply when you reply: no couple wants a guest to go into debt for their wedding.

If you are in the wedding party

You are part of the team for the day: arrive early, know the timeline, and make yourself available for the small tasks, from gathering people for the group photo to finding a lost relative. Leave the couple to enjoy the day.

The habits of a guest everyone appreciates

• Reply within the week and include diets and allergies in the same reply.
• Arrive early, phone on silent, and settle in quietly.
• Join in: talk to people you don't know, dance, applaud.
• Send your photos to the couple after the party: it's one more gift.
• Say a kind word to every family member, including the quietest.